As mothers day approaches I always think about how (almost) every girl I know has this great relationship with their mom or thinks its taboo to say anything mean about their mother. As I look back onto my childhood I realize where my problems are rooted. I had a jealous mother. She hated the fact that I was growing up the way she wished she had. She made fun of me, called me vain, and put down everything I did. She made me feel like my work wasn’t hard. Well if housework is harder than high school than I must kill myself actually working a job. Every time she messed up she would say “sorry, they opened my head up and messed me all up.” or something that went wrong in her childhood. She would throw her pain onto me and make me feel guilty. and at one point I said no don’t you dare make me feel guilty for something I didn’t do, but she doesn’t realize she does it. No wonder I have no faith in myself, and my anxiety goes up the roof. And when I fail at something I break down quicker than shattered glass. I grew up feeling guilty,hopeless, and unloved by her. I don’t want to say that but that’s how it felt. I only realize it now that I’ve been reading article and I don’t feel like the only one. It’s one of the reasons I didn’t want to go to college or a private school cause she made me feel guilty about how much it costs. So no not all mothers are loving to their daughters. And whomever is reading this, Just remember the effect you can have on a child. Praise them when they need to be praised. Love them unconditionally, let them know they can fail and try again make sure they feel comfortable in their own skin. You don’t want them self conscious, anxious, and feeling guilty for the rest of their life because of your selfishness. So I hope you have a happy mothers day next sunday.
I’ve always been a pessimist and for good reasons, because this world is fucked. Why should I lie to myself? but I realized that no matter how fucked this world is it’s beautiful that we have life to do something about it. We can take care of each other and make sure that use our time well for the best. I’ve only noticed this because for once in my life I’m living my dream, and planning for the next steps constantly.
You can’t live for yourself, for money, or for others.
You have to live to be happy. It’s like what John Lennon said as a kid “I want to be happy”
BUT NO ONE DOES THAT ANYMORE!?
do you want a short life full of happiness, or a long one in which you are alright?
I know most people want to get jobs where you get good hours and good money so you can do other things you enjoy. But I want to work long hours and be happy all day so I can show my future kids that when you do what you love nothing can bring you down, and that only you can choose to be happy.
Fuck everything and do what you love.
Everyone complains about school, but I’m having the time of my life getting up at 5:40 am everyday. and I’m always the earliest in class too. I just sit there with my latte and say I could do this for the next 50 years of my life. i just want to know can you?
So I went home friday to practice what I learned in labs by making a mise en place (chopped up carrots, celery, onions for gravy) and seasoning and trussing a chicken. It’s gross at first scooping the insides out of the chicken and you see its liver and heart…yea you get it…. anyways i ripped the flabs of fat off to make some gravy and I rubbed butter on the inside of the skin and i seasoned it with salt and pepper. cooked it to 165 and damn it was the best chicken I ever made even my parents were suprised and invited me to make dinner more often. Plus I made mash potatoes and asparagus. I love cooking. I could cook all day.
How do you learn without failure?
How do you love without pain?
How can you be happy if you were never sad?
How can you be a good person without being bad?
I know young people think breaking up with someone you loved or someone cheating on another is heartbreaking.But I always thought that the most heartbreaking moment was being in love for your entire life and adjusting your life around another to watch another die and be left back by yourself. Some people can handle themselves well like an old couple in my parents church. He lost his wife to leukemia, but she was fine with dying and knew it was time. My dad said he thought her husband would break down, but he could see in his eyes he wasn’t sleeping and seemed exahsted. My grandmother on the other hand became angry after my grampa died, mostly because she couldn’t accept he was gone. Ijust think losing someone after so many years and memories is just heart breaking because you have to adjust to living alone agian. It reminds me of PS I Love You in a way. just thinking.
I remember when I first fell in love. How that smile grew on my face and my heart raced, its all I wanted to do, and it never slipped my mind. I couldn’t wait to learn more and then start cooking and baking. oh you didn’t expect that. That’s really how I knew what my passion was, because I fell in love with it, of course not all of it is fun such as the long hours and hard work, but the end result is beautiful. I think my passion taught me more about love than any story, movie, or relationship.
You have to put a lot of effort and time into it so that the end result is exactly what you wanted, but if you forget an ingredient or leave it in the oven too long you’ll get a mess you didn’t want. but that’s okay because you can try agian…. it’s called trial and error and every chef goes through it to make the most mouth watering dessert/meal you ever tasted and only he knows the secret, but not every recipe is the same. So as long as you don’t make the same mistakes and instead grow from it you will be happy will the results.
advice from a future chef ^.^
I like how much of myself I have become. I usually want to fit in with everyone, but being at college I do what I love and don’t care what others think. So yes I am going to stay up till 1am killing zombies in left 4 dead and yes I’m going to be an invert, and I will do what I want even if that means I’m alone. You don’t like my music well i don’t care. I’m happy that I have what I have, and times get stressful and hard, but I’m happy and love how college is going. I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m content and have stop trying to be accepted by people. :)
It’s what you told me on our first date that made me look at you differently from everyone else. You asked me if I believed in love at first sight and I said no. Truthfully I didn’t really believe in love at all. I was a mess then. I said how the divorce rate was so high that I don’t believe in love. You did though.. You asked me why relationships fall apart and I didn’t really know. You said people give up on each other (or at least one) and I agreed. I loved how you understood what a relationship is. So this is our challenge this year. Not giving up and growing stronger with these challenges. I can’t really see anyone but you in my future. I’ll prove that to you. It’s tough adjusting in college, but I know we have a relationship that is so different from others it’s one I know that won’t break. It may have it’s frays, but it’s strong. So no I won’t give up.